Riddikulus
by JustShipEverything
Summary: Everyone at Hogwarts has officially gone mad! Or have they...? Collab with thepotterheadfrommiddleearth and MasterLunaDurin - I don't even know what we were thinking when we wrote this...


This is our first collab - I just- I don't- I can't-... Don't judge us please. That badly.

But thepotterheadfrommiddleearth and MasterLunaDurin aren't always this crazy (on this site anyways), so go check their stuff out. NOW! I command you to... take a glimpse at least! (my 500000000 very terrible Starkid reference for today)

Oh, I almost forgot:

**Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters, places, etc that are mentioned in this story. I'm tearing up already. *sniff sniff* WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL AS TO NOT LET US OWN HARRY POTTER?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!**

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**"Ridikkulus!"** Myrtle screamed.

Hermione was discombobulated - since when could ghosts eat pies made out of trashy romcoms?

**"I LOOOOOOOOOVE CHEEEEEEEEESEBURGERS!"** yelled Lavender as she towed Ron and his pet dolphin Cuddle down the Hallway of Glitter.

Parvati burst into tears because her hair ribbon had just exploded into a pile of Hufflepuffs pretending to be rubber ducks.

**"WHAT THE DEVIL IS GOING ON HEEEEEEERrrrreeEEEE"** Hermione yelled - this was so confusing and she wondered why the Weasley twins bothered with Peeves' nostril cleaner, then she started rapping lines of Latin poetry to the tune of a Super Bass/Timber mashup. McGonagall then threw a tube of solid garlic toothpaste into Bellatrix's bathtub, with Bellatrix standing in it with an umbrella and a Chihuahua.

**"Look at meeeeeeeee! I will never pass for the perfect bride. Or the perfect daughter. Can it beeeeeee? I'm not meant to play this paaaaaaaaart!"** Draco belted out as he sashayed into the Mirror of Erised and posed flamboyantly with Winky, Colin Creevey and Justin Finch-Fletchley.

**"Can you seeeeeeeeeeeeeee the butterfliiiiiiiiiiiiiiies? Drifting in the seeeeeeeeeeeeea. Oh, yes I loooooooooove the penguiiiiiiiiiiiiins, eating fleeeeeeeas and cactiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"** Harry laughed as he skipped out through the Great Hall and out the gates, into an ocean of pink walruses harmonising with dancing monkeys.

Katniss Everdeen jumped in the window and skewered a pile of books with a purple arrow covered in feathers and rainbow sequins.

Hermione wept bitterfully (pitifully/bitterly) as she dived into a plate of cheesy salsa-y monocles.

**"SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS!"** Snape muttered with force and aggravation and an underlying sense of romance as he pulled out his fluffy unicorn print machine gun and started polishing it viciously with a placid expression on his face.

**"Justin Bieber is da bomb!"** said The Fat Lady as she pulled out a delicate glass of flubber and waved it in Lucius Malfoy's face. It turned Slytherin green and then he puked rainbows into a vat of chocolatey goodness. It turned orange like the Weasley's hair, and then it flew away on a Cleansweep shaped as a unicorn talon.

Quietly and menacingly Luna stalked into the giant orange juice float and began to fly towards the Group of Holy Macaroni Emus. She sang screechingly **"I WANT TO BE A PIGEON! I WANT TO KILL THE DUCKS THEN DANCE ON A MUFFIN THEN BECOME A BOOOOOWWWW TIIIIIIIEEEEE!"**

Suddenly a hot pink thestral appeared out of the donkey parade, it sprouted crimson dog shaped wings and began to fly, while prancing in spirals and barking (or however you describe the sound of a rabbitty cow) in the tune of jingle bells. Charlie Weasley appeared, he could smell the emus, **"I LIVE IN A WORLD OF FIREY BUMBLEBEES IN DENTIST COSTUMES"** he began carving strange faces in front of Madame Pomfrey's closet **"I LIKE TO EAT PINEAPPLE FLAGS AND CANNIBALISTIC KNIVES"** Then he began to hum the star wars theme song as he ate the emus.

The sloth immediately joined into the song conducting the choir of Voldemort clones **"Preeeeep-paaaaaree toooo-ooooooo-ooooo diiiiiiii-eeeeeeee haaaa-aaa-ryyyy pooo-tteeeerrr haaa haaa haaa haaaaa"** Immediately Harry imploded and was then reborn with octopus tentacles.** "I LOVE DANCING POLLEN"** he screamed enthusiastically as he got the autograph of some sunflowers. **"Your allergic to trees, Harry"** bellowed Hagrid then he began dancing in his shiny, purple, lycra bikini on the mountainous disco stage.

Bellatrix, Narcissa, Lucius, Macnair & Yaxley jumped down from the ceiling with cheerleading uniforms on, and scream sung whilst performing a full Sue Sylvester cheerleading routine with a baby cannon & chicken cutlets, **"Oh Voldie, you're so fine, you're so fine, you blow my mind, hey Voldie, hey, hey, hey Voldie. Oh Voldie, what a pity, you don't understand. You take me by the heart, when you take me by the hand. Oh Voldie, you're so pretty. Can't you understand? It's guys like you Voldie, Oh what you do Voldie, do Voldie. Don't break my heart Voldie!"**

Seamus ran onto the stage, turned into a seal and then made a bomb sandwich for everyone to drink like a puppy.

**"BOOM!"**

**"Seamus! You doggone exploded our sandwich!"** Everyone walked away in disgusted elation.

THE END


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